Voluntary Happiness
by The laughing Mann
Summary: If only you gave me a hint, anything really, just something that would let me know if this would be worth the emotions, the complications, and the loss.  Hiei/Kurama Drabble.


Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho and I'm definately not makin' any money offa this.

This is a short drabble and also my reemergence back into Fanfiction writing after a couple years break. I was pondering upon some ideas and I realized that Hiei and seemed to share a snarky, yet strangely loyal personality and decided that perhaps I could substitute my current situation onto a Hiei/Kurama drabble.

* * *

I couldn't really help but stare as I studied them. I wasn't nearby and whenever they turned I'd merely glance a little to the side, pretending to study something else.

The object of my current focus was a friend of mine. One so complex that even psychics had a hard time pinning down their thoughts. A strange masked warrior that wore more layers than a feudal emperor at a ceremony.

I heard the foolish humans proclaim that love is an involuntary thing, something that can't be willed or forced. It either was or wasn't.

I simply disregard that. For me it's not so involuntary. It's just not something I have need for right now. Especially since I can't really tell how I'd be received.

I doubt they'd give a flying ogre that I was even contemplating them as a lover, I just doubt that they'd still be my friend.

While they don't really give me any clues to go by, I try to fabricate them by analyzing their routine and behaviours. Well, my best friend, if I was right I'd be the one to leave, if I was wrong, I still would probably leave.

They never show any signs of liking one of the humans that flit about them, nor do they really feel the need talk about any romantic interest or preference. They simply refuse to give me an easy answer.

I heard that they had been on a date before.

But who's to say that it wasn't out of obligation.

After all, it ended badly.

What makes me wonder the most about them is the fact I can feel so calm and contented in their presence. It makes me question myself, and them, when I feel a brush of our shoulders or a bump of ours knees, but I don't move away, and neither do they.

They act like it's naught but an innocent or thoughtless gesture; when in truth, I can't not get it from my mind.

I wonder if they'll figure out that I'm watching them, waiting for a response, waiting for a hint that they like the touch.

I had thought I was going to tell them but after I overheard a comment they made in passing, I held back.

It wasn't aimed at me, but it was vague enough and broad enough to encompass me and the possible emotions I am sitting on.

I've tried making comments, drop subtle hints that I wanted to know what their thoughts are; alas they hold their secrets tightly and refuse to budge.

Just as how I withhold my entirety: thoughts- emotions- past- present- hopes- dreams; I keep them all locked away from the world and they do the same.

I trust them with those secrets, I trust them never to laugh unless I'm laughing too, I trust them to nod and accept what I say as truth even if they know it's not.

It's me I don't trust.

I don't trust myself to yield only enough to gauge their reaction so that I don't lose it all.

I've had to restart too many times to throw away what I have here.

Even if it means tossing away a future with them, I'll keep my secrets.

I was told once that Happiness is finding someone just as crazy as you are.

I'm not certain they're crazy in the same way I am, but I am certain that I'd never be this close to some if they weren't.

So even if those green eyes look my way, filled with that strange gleam meant just for me, I will control myself. I'll wait for an opportune moment when I feel I can trust me to break my fall should they leave.

I just can't see through the guises, see through to the answers I want, and I refuse to encroach upon their soul to take them.

So I simply shift my gaze and study the sakura tree beside them, watching the petals cascading around lovely red hair, their little reflections shining in green eyes, their stunning beauty dull beside the brilliant smile sent my way.

They waved and I smirk back, raising a hand and strolling over.

Now's not the time.

But maybe one day, I'll get this all figured out and something will happen.

Either good or ill, I'll probably leave.

* * *

As I said before this is based a bit on my thoughts of a friend of mine, and before ya'll start trying to give me advice please refer to the end scene of the Makai tournament when Kurama tells Hiei he doesn't feel that way. Then consider how much I'd appreciate cheerleading.

But enough of my life; let me know if you liked it or not, so please read and review! And have a pleasant day.


End file.
